Ironwood - Calgary, AB

I performed with Jasmine Whenham (gorgeous-music & words) at the Ironwood. Small turn-out, but receptive audience. We had one of the best sound engineers, Marco Levesque, working the board. It was wonderful to get a warm hug from him, and work with him again. I had a blast. I especially enjoyed that Michelle came from Edmonton to see the show. Her support, loud laughs, and beaming face sent me into the stratospheres of joy and confidence. It's just like my therapist says, "What makes things difficult Athena, is that you don't have a solid support system around you. I bet that as soon as you get yourself surrounded by good people you can trust, you will beam with joy. And that's not something you can force. You just have to wait for it to happen naturally." I can be in the depths of "jeeper creeper" burn-out, and then spend 2 days with wonderful people, and the world rights herself again.

The show at Karma, the next night was PURE MAGIC. It evolved into an open mic with a clown performance, and spontaneous musical performances by Wilson & Jasmine Whenham. Thank you to the brave dykes and radicals who came out that night to boldly laugh when I sang my most honest and outrageous songs. yes! Thank you Calgary!

Value Village - Edmonton - Michelle Boudreau

(left to right) : me, Jadon & Michelle

(right to left) Chris Wynters from Captain Tractor, me, Mary Hazell (promotor), fan @ The Druid
Edmonton - Sidetrack Cafe & The Druid

I had 2 shows that night. One at the Sidetrack and the other at The Druid. It ended up being a crazy night, full of ridiculous unprofessionalism on the part of the Sidetrack Cafe which later developped into border-abusive behavior by the booker. Ah well. Such is the crazy-unhealthy music industry. But the later show at the Druid was beautiful and drama free. And much fun to hang with Chris & Michelle Boudream & Jadon & others! Michelle did a kick-ass set at the Druid, and got asked to come back as a feature. So that made the whole night worth it. The show at the Sidetrack had wonderful audience-performer rapport. Beautiful. The show at the Druid has a rowdy-Western-Canada racous crowd which I successfully tamed, after much hard work. Jadon (Michelle's fiancee-above) is a beautiful man I got to know during my stay in Edmonton. One of those rare caring, soft, nurturing, talented, good-energy men you just want to bear-hug.

Arrived in Edmonton

Already I feel 7 miles better. Sometimes you connect with people, and sometimes you don't. Well, i think me and michelle boudreau definitely connect. Was freaked out to come back to Edmonton, to the city where I was sexually assaulted last year, after having had my re-initiatiation into Prairie culture at O'Hanlon's in Regina. Felt so angry and on edge on my drive over here. So alone and misunderstand. Who in the world really gets me? Understands where I am coming from? Is willing to really to take my word for it, when I speak from my own experience?

But then I get to Michelle's and right away she understands the vibe at O'Hanlons. She used to live in Regina and agrees within a heartbeat about the scene there, and counters with numerous anectodes about its effect on her and her music. It's just too much to process all this on my own.

And I just feel instantly comfortable here, in her spacious wooded house, with her lovely fiancee.

OK. Going to bed. Thank you world for showing me someone who understands.

I wish I could get a little stronger, to the point where I really believe myself, and don't need validation. But then again, I am human, and don't really have a good support system right now.. so what do i expect of myself?

Really, I am human.

sleep tight,

athena

I miss domesticity...

Can you tell I'm burned out?

jeepers, creepers athena...

McNally Robinson Booksellers - Saskatoon, SK

Just what the doctor ordered. A nice gig, in a nice cafe atmosphere, with good lighting and people of all generations. Not too much drinking, and a nice appreciative crowd. Clean cut music. Good for the body and soul for one night. nice nice nice... (I hear my grade 5 english teacher reprimending me: "Nice is saying nothing. What does nice mean? Find another adjective!")

South Shore Elementary in Regina Beach, SK

Rock n roll for the kids! This was a wonderful experience. They turned off the lights in the gym, set up fancy sound sensitive lights, and the kids were clapping along and super attentive for their own private rock n roll show. It was super fun! My favorite is always the Q & A afterwards. Question of the day (from a little 5 yr. old boy): "I want to have a pillow fight with you." Need I say more?

O'Halon's - Regina, SK

Here's me working too damn hard to soothe the audience... It's OK... it's OK. This is just music. Creativity. Honesty. Me being strong and unique is really not a direct threat to your sense of self...

Our Greatest Fear

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other people won't feel insecure around you.We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.It is not just in some; it is in everyone.And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously giveother people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our fear,our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson, from her book "A Return to Love"

A couple people wrote to me after reading the O'Hanlon's blog to send me encouragement and understanding. I just want to publicly thank them and say to everyone: please don't hesitate to email me, I love and need and deeply appreciate your support!!!

O'Halon's - Regina, SK

Had the weirdest show tonight. I was actually heckled for the first time, ever in my life. And, in general, the atmosphere was very noisy, jocky and sexist!!! sexist sexist sexist! As soon as I got up to sing, people (large mainstream-looking men) got up to leave the room. The people who came to see me (funky artsy types) seemed to be a little afraid to really enjoy themselves with the over-dominating sexist presence. I was booed and heckled. I actually felt like I was hated. It felt extremely high school, when being mere female meant an invisible razor would prod your skin if you dared to deviate from the box. And there I was, a woman on stage tonight, singing out of the box - and Wham! patriarchy hit me in the face.

The funny thing is, that Canadians are always going on about how backwards America is, and how forward-thinking Canadians are... But I have never felt so hated and unappreciated. And looking back on my experience growing up in Canada, there was a constant barrage of sexist violent undertones. But anytime you try to speak out against it (like even tonight), people would undermine it and say, "no..no.. not sexist... they were just drinking, having a good time. They liked you. It's just you don't look like your promo and you know, I have a problem with your style and.." OK motherfucker. Step back before I punch you in the face. I had to fucking leave that bar. Whatever. Not sexist my ass. When Dave Taylor sang, everyone listened and flooded the room. Before I even opened my mouth, people began talking and leaving. Plus, I got booed! And big football type men yelled things like "stop singing!".

You know, I am always ranting about how city folk have to stop their snobbery against rural folk. I clearly see the prejudice that urbanites can impose on smaller cities & towns. But if cowboy culture wants urban respect, they've got to stop acting like 12 year old boys who have never seen a woman before, or experienced art before. Really, you are making it hard for me to carry the torch for your cause against urban prejudice.. This was just too much!!!

But it's all OK. I love Dave Taylor. He's a great musicians. And of course, I had some true fans in the audience and sold a couple CDs. But fuck. Wake up Athena. You are in cowboy country and it's going to be a rough ride. Last time I was here, I got sexually assaulted. So watch out. Here it comes. By the time I'm in Vancouver I'll be safe. Hold on tight to your saddle girl, cause it's going to be one hell of a ride.

(I have to say that I also sometimes love playing cowboy culture.. when the grrls come out to play. They are loud, appreciative, and DYING for some feminist joy). So it's always an intense mix.

No rest for the hard-working anarcho-feminist musician.

I'm just trying to find joy, hope and peace in my life. And man, here I am saddling through cowboy culture. It just never ends, does it, for the life of the touring cabaret-punk-pop-artist?

Peace,

Athena

Whoa. Look at me. I am sooo spooky out here in the Prairies...

The Cultural Exchange - Regina, SK

One of those magical magical shows. I started out thinking, "I hate my music. It is filled with pain and trauma and I just can't stand it anymore. It's re-traumatizing me!" But then I had one of those "you-can-hear-a-pin-drop" audiences... and all is redeemed! They want to hear about pain! About suffering. And they laughed and laughed at my jokes! Yipee! And what a pleasure to share the stage with such honest songstresses as Jennifer Gibson & Catherine!

On the top is me & Jennifer. She let me stay at her clean beautiful house. I ate her cheese & balogna and watched cable TV and felt human again. And look at her! What a hot hot butch! Yum... But her dog hates anything on 2 feet that isn't Jennifer. Still, by the end, the dog was looking at me with sadness, not hate. I think that was an improvement... or something...

Driving through the Prairies

Pyramid Cabaret - Winnipeg, MB

Ah yes. This is more like it. Maybe I won't quit. This was a bit more the audience I crave. Screamin' dykes - political saavy types.. Here's me with Paulette (producer-extraordinaire) and Suss (crazy-cabaret-lezzie-supa-stah). Crashed at Suss's house. What a cutie. It's amazing I didn't sneak in a kiss or two ;) And.. um... don't like i look totally wonky in this picture? It's cause I had half a glass of wine and had been singing the entire RENT soundtrack. Whoa - watch out - Athena-Gone-Wild!

Finn's Pub - Winnipeg, MB

Bit of a strange night. Felt like I shocked everybody. My work is filled with so much pain and trauma, it seems. Sometimes feels like it re-traumatizes me even. A woman came up to me after the show and said, "Take care of yourself." God, is it that obvious?

What... Should I just quick and go into trauma-singing-rock-star-rehab?

Or should I just stick it out till I get in front of a more saavy audience?

Yeah. I'll stick with the later.

And maybe add a few more uplifting, reassuring lullaby-type songs to my set, to soothe myself and some easily disturbed members of the audience...

Brandon, MB

Stayed at Shandra's house (booker for Second Troy), and slept deeply while contemplating floodings and racism. Shandra was feeling sick, we both took time to heal. Her mom made me fat with cookies and homemade muffins. The whole experience was just what the doctor ordered. Thanks Shandra & fam. And PS - beautiful show in the Elephant room at the university.

Me, sleeping in a mattress on the floor in a room full of apples. Had strange dreams about rats and dead bodies and floods and decisions and splitting your personality in 2 to survive.

MONTCALM COMMUNITY COLLEGE IN SIDNEY, MI

Here I am in the middle of the cornfields in Sidney, MI; performing and giving a workshop at Montcalm Community College. It was one of those cafeteria gigs, where you have to compete with food. And man, I wouldn't want to do that!!! Tough competition. So lots of noise, and very little attentiveness. But there were some very interested students and the workshop afterwards in the barn on "Facing the Bogeyman: Performance Anxiety and Following Your Dreams" went AMAZING! I love teaching workshops to college kids & adults!

At night, there are no city lights, no traffic, no cell phone reception. Just squeaking windmills, century old barns, and yawning spirits soaring through star-scattered skies....

Live at Rubbles in Mount Pleasant, MI

OK, this was one of those MAGICAL gigs. The room was full of cute young college queers. It was a blast. Crazy energy in the room. Full out rock n' roll. I loved it! Thanks to Joel from Liam McKay for making it real possible! I'll be back Mount Pleasant!!

Toronto - Free Times Cafe

This was one of those beautiful shows. A real night of women in music. Great line-up! Yummy creative grrl vibes all around. Cheri Michael is such a sweet heart. Jen Woodill, too, an old college friend of mine, is the bomb. Just love seeing her again. It was wonderful to meet the great Amy Campbell and hear her soothing rythm. And the writer Simonee Chichester was amazing. Thanks everyone!

Grrls in Saint John, New Brunswick, wearing my merch shirts!

Don't they look cute? The one in green is local celebrity Karen Palmer.

Me, alone, brushing teeth

Here I am, brushing my teeth on the 14 hour ferry back from St. John's. The sh#t hit the fan in Newfie-land. We were sexually assaulted, a bar fight broke out, gorgeous, free-flowing, artsy people were everywhere... and ummm... ever get that a feeling that a tornado is wailing full force through your life? No matter how much yoga you do that tornado is a-screamin', and the best thing to do is wait out the storm. But in the end, all storms eventually die down, and go their seperate way. And so, I find myself once again, alone, on a 3 month trek across this false democracy.

If you can breathe in the present, the gifts are boundless. Finding your belly is the hardest thing.

FERRY BACK FROM NEWFOUNDLAND

MEET TRACY

Biker-punk-artist rockin' the waves on the isle of St. John's

Look how cute she is...

Tracy and me - St. John's, NL

Doctor in St. John's

(the doctor-friend who felt my hand - which I had banged in my car door - and told me my hand wasn't broken). All the stress and drama which had been mounting was beginning to wig me out. I was forgetting things, banging into things... something's gotta give man..

Beautiful houses in St. John's

Pictures do not convey the colorful, quirky, cheerful nature of local houses. Everybody paints their house bright blues, reds, yellows, pinks...

BRUNCH

Hung out with some WONDERFUL people in St. John's. Glen, Charlotte and the doctor. (keep forgetting his name - but those who know me, know that I ALWAYS forget names). Went for late morning-hung-over-trashed & tired brunch. Yummy veggie-health food. Though I must say, there is nothing like an American Burrito. Canadian burritoes just don't compare (more spanish-latins in U.S.)

Guy Wearing my T-Shirt at the Ship Pub

O.K., Have you noticed I am starting to have fun with photoshop... mmm... But check this guy out. Doesn't he look hot in one of my tees?

SHIP PUB - ST. JOHN'S, NEWFOUNDLAND

Here's the Sirens Wild Ride poster on the door of the Ship Pub, an artsy, awesome venue on a pedestrian cobblestone street as steep as any San Francisco Ave.

Ahhh... Newfoundland! It lived up to all it was supposed to be. Raucous, friendly, magical, unique. The sea lapping at it's corners. Sun-wrinkled eyes opening in awe and and warmth. Newfoundland - I love you! Here I am performing at the Ship Pub in St. John's, NL.