BACK IN NYC AND GOING CRAZY!!!!!!

I have been going crazy since I've gotten back. It's like having post-traumatic tour disorder or something. It is so difficult to try to re-enter a life that you left behind 3 months ago. It is so difficult to try to feel at home in a city that you've been touring away from for the past 2 years.

It will all get easier with time.

But everyday is a different adventure on the roller coaster of extreme emotion.

I feel like I've lost all memory of what just took place, and I have no idea what to do next, who I am, or what my credentials are.

but tonight I am remembering.

I am remembering because i went to a RENT audition today. I waited for 6 hours only to get type cast out. (That means that you all stand in a line like cattle, or like jews before the execution, and if they call you get to sing 8 bars). Well, they didn't call my name. But they did call the names of very tall and model-looking women around me. I think I am not thin enough. And I never did learn how to walk in high heels. Honestly, I think I am 'too RENT' for RENT!

A friend admiringly told me tonight that I am 'too much for mere mortals'. This was in the context of him taking my pictures and getting a huge kick out of the emotional intensity. Sometimes I feel that my art and personality overwhelm people. That I seem to live, so comfortably, in a world so intense, deep and creative that it is frightening to those afraid to face the dark witch.

Anyways, after the audition, all I wanted to do was create beautiful music on my piano, eat ice cream and pancakes and LIVE LIFE! F*#k the evil commercialism that is committing genocide on our art. I want to live, to be real, to be healthy, to create, to stimilate, to provoke, and to breathe my deepest foreshadows into the crevices of my art. F*#k Compromise! What the f*#k is life for!!??

One great thing has happened lately, is that I was asked to perform on the Joey Reynolds show on WOR 710. Here's a picture of me with Joey, the owner of Don't Tell Mama's, Myra (who knows many bookers in NY), and some guy who made us sandwiches. (no- just kidding - he's this awesome comedian). It was an awesome show. They freaked over me. Loved me so incredibly much. They are all so fun to crack jokes with. It was so much fun!

(from left to right) Me, owner of Don't Tell Mama's, Myra, Comedian, Joey Reynolds.

BACK HOME

Oh my goodness. I am back home. it is like a slow motion syrupy dream. What a beautiful home I have. How still it is here. How adult it all seems. I've been crashing on 22 year old's couches for the past 3 months. I've been like a teenager. And suddenly, I am an adult with a beautiful apartment, but no means to support it. I need to breathe deeply. This is New York. There is a plethora of jobs out here.

But I am leaving for Toronto and Berlin soon. Why? I don't feel like it anymore.

Athena

Jackson, MS - Hal & Mal's

Played a show at Hal & Mal's in Jackson, Mississippi. Actually, it was a wonderful audience. And I stayed with beautiful people. Great experience. But here's a picture of our competitors, an awesome blue grass band in the next room. Can't compete with blue grass in the south. LOL

The bass player was flirtin pretty hard with me. A cute charmin' drunkin' blue grass boy. Man. Welcome to the south Athena. It's like being in another country! Cowboys n' cowgirls breaking wild & free from strict codes. Then kneeling on the church on Sunday, cleansing their hearts of mama bread guilt.

But we had a small, yet devoted group of art-lovers at the show. And I got some honest and loving Southern hospitality. And I probably gained 5 pounds in the south. But I'm not supposed to care about that right? As a feminist? I guess I'll go to the radical church this Sunday, and pray for forgiveness of my indulgent patricarchal sins.

But honestly, the South, overal, was difficult for me. I am such a contraversy there. There are always people who are incredibly loyal and loving. But there are always people who HATE me too! I think they think I am the anti-christ or something. I felt like calling out, "God gave us a clit for a reason people! Don't blame me for wanting to 'F#ck All Day!". LOL

Knoxville, TN

OK. Now I am in the Bible Belt. How many times do I have to say it? "I'M SORRY I'M NOT BLUE GRASS!" Man. These people like their Blue Grass. Even some of the lesbians hated me in Knoxville. But these dykes didn't hate me. Or at least they said they didn't. I can never be too sure in the South. What are they REALLY thinking? What the f#ck is REALLY going on down there? Ahhhh!!!!!

Nashville, TN - Caffeine Nasville
I had a blast in Nashville, TN. I felt appreciated and loved. I met wonderful beautiful people. We did a mock photo shoot in front of wall art. What more can a girl ask for?

I had such a great time in Kansas City. Such wonderful people who loved my work. And warm warm people who made me feel loved, and at home.

Cummel's Cafe in St. Louis

Played to a room of quiet listeners, who I believe, never quite got over the fact that I am queer. They were respectful, and enjoyed the music, but I believe that they were in mild shock that I am so out. I think they kept thinking things to themselves like, "wow.. is she really a lesbian? I've never met a full blood lesbian before. Am I a lesbian? What do they DO in bed?"

It's OK people. Take a deep breath. You're still aloud to relax and enjoy yourselves, even if I am gay. You don't have to look so damn serious! LOL

Hanging with my cousins in Denver...

(played Mercury Lounge, Toad Tavern, had a blast being filmed for OUT IN DENVER... but most importantly got some serious todler time in)

Driving through the Prairies in Kansas....

....thinking about loves lost