SUNY OSWEGO GIG - MARCH 28 w/ Ember Swift & Pamela Means

I had a great time. Wonderful audience. One of those shows where I feel like I am just a part of this larger thing called 'music', and I get to ride the wave and let it soar through me. I am priviledged to be a part of this. ''Music' has a life of its own. It has its own laws and intentions. And I let go and am asked to come along for the ride.

And then afterwards... neurosis sets in. competitive insanity sets in.... 'maybe i should make my music more accessible.. more commercial.. more familiar.. why am i such a freak? why is my music such a freak.." Felt like I was sleeping on a slab of ice that night... drove like a maniac back to the big apple. talked on the phone and cried...

Calmed down later that night.. Spoke with my manager... God I am ridiculous how worked up I get. But it's true that my music isn't easy listening.. Maybe if I speak a little bit about why I chose to create a unique and haunting chord progression, why I created an 'out' bridge... if I let people in to my musical process a bit more on stage (not just the lyrical process), maybe it'll help improve communication and accessibility. And for big gigs I will experiment with a drummer and bass and see how that goes.

Feeling much more positive about everything now. I love my music. I love my loyal fans who lift me up more than they can ever believe. I will continue, in subtle ways, to reach out and communicate... always you can be more and more clear...